Thinking of Sunny

I was just thinking of Sunny this morning, tear filled eyes, remembering times when we were kids and how she's no longer with us. It's been over a year now and it still doesn't seem real that she's gone forever. I needed to write it out and see if it made me feel a little better. Not sure it has, but it was worth a shot. I was opening my daughter's toothpaste when I caught the smell of children's toothpaste. You know, it's that kind that's clear blue with sparkles? Definitely has a unique smell. Sunny had that kind when we were kids and she would let me use it when I stayed overnight. We didn't have it at home, so it was pretty cool when I got to use her sparkly toothpaste. It's little things like that that bring back a few tears, reminding me of a good friend that I can no longer jot a message to and get a response back from. Sigh…

How to be a good person...

These are numerous tips I found in a book by Dale Carnegie and I figured I should have them at my fingertips at all times, so I'm writing them down here, maybe someone else will find them helpful too!

Become a Friendlier Person
• Don' criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest, sincere appreciation.
• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Smile!
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
• Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
• Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth and refuse to give it more.
• Don't worry about the past.

Be a Leader
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Let the other person save face.
• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
• Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Overcoming Worry
• Live in "day-tight compartments."
• How to face trouble:
a. ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen?"
b. Prepare to accept the worst.
c. Try to improve on the worst.
• Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.
• The perfect way to conquer worry... pray.

Cultivate a Mental Attitude that will Bring You Peace and Happiness
• Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health and hope.
• Never try to get even with your enemies.
• Expect ingratitude.
• Count your blessings – not your troubles.
• Do not imitate others.
• Try to profit from your losses.
• Create happiness for others.

Don't Worry about Criticism
• Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.
• Do the very best you can.
• Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.

Prevent Fatigue and Worry and Keep Your Energy and Spirits High
• Rest before you get tired.
• Learn to relax at your work.
• Protect your health and appearance by relaxing at home.
• Apply these four good working habits:
a. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
b. Do things in order of their importance.
c. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision.
d. Learn to organize, deputize and supervise.
• Put enthusiasm into your work.

I'm going to miss her

My best friend that I ever had is fighting for her life and there isn't a time I don't remember her being in mine. My mom said that they used to mow a path between our two houses so that her and I could walk over to eachother's house to play. But the grass was over our heads, so her mom and mine would make sure to communicate with eachother about when they'd see one of us come through the small field that separated our houses. I have photos of us together from the early 80's, in silly striped tops and cordaroy pants with our hair in pigtails. We were silly little girls. Then Lani came along, we have a pict of her in diapers, she was the cutest little girl ever. Bill and I were both between the ages of Sunny and Lani, so we all grew up playing together. Too bad for Bill, he had to play with girls, haha.





I remember when Sunny's little brother, EJ, was born. I have a photo of her holding him like a proud sister and me sitting to the side of her half crying because I wanted to hold him. We would venture around in her parents basement, it was like a safari for kids. So many neat gadgets to play with. They had a computer when we were in elementary school and that was the coolest thing ever. We'd build forts together with piles of blankets. I'm sure Jeannie (her mom) loved cleaning up after us, cause God knows we didn't clean up after destroying the place.



We were in dance class together around the time I was in kindergarden. Our little tu-tu's and sparkly outfits with tap shoes. I remember not learning the dance steps, instead I just watched what Sunny was doing, so I was a step behind everyone else. We went to the same very small church together forever. Her, Lani, me, Bill, Angie and Josh Loeffler would tear around the St. Michael High School like we were hopped up on goofballs. I remember being old enough to be the nursery helper, me and Sunny traded off, we both loved being in there with the babies.



I hated it when Sunny had to go into Middle School, since I was a grade behind. I had to learn to live without her for the day and I wasn't happy about it. We used to play with the 2 boys across the street, Steven and Brian. They had a cornfield in their backyard. We would run through it all the time, then you'd hear "Suuuuuunnnnnyyyyyy, Laaaaaaaannnnnniiiiiiii, cooome hooooome". If Jeannie or Rick didn't call them in, I swear we'd stay out there until midnight. I remember the cold wet dewey feeling of the evening after the sun had gone down and we were running around in the grass with our bear feet. Just running and running. I don't even remember what we did, we just played like there was no tomorrow.







I remember one day when Sunny and Lani were fighting over who's friend I was. Lani would say "NO, she's MY friend" and Sunny would retort "NO, she's MY friend". Then Jeannie would say, "If you girls can't stop fighting she's going to have to go home." And I was eventually sent home, and they were sent to their rooms. Sunny and I used to make Lani and Bill get married too. I think that happened more than once, we liked having weddings. While we were doing that EJ would just run around the basement, in and out of the two-by-fours. The basement was unfinished which made it extra magical to us. It was like a jungle gym. Sunny's room was in a finished room in the basement. Staying overnight there was really fun. We'd giggle until we both would eventually fall asleep. We'd play barbies, I'd bring mine over and she had hers. I was always so jealous of her toys, she had a lot of neat things.

One thing I just remembered is when she told me about some new words she learned. We went around the corner of an armoire and huddled down in a crouched position. She leaned over with her hands cupped and whispered in my ear "ffffuuuck...sshhiiit...daaammmn". Whoa! Those are what bad words were? I was shocked. Now don't get me wrong, we didn't go around using profanity from there on out. It's just something she learned that she had to tell me about. And that's where I heard my first swear words. Couldn't have come from anyone better, it was memorable.



I'm sorry if I hop around, I'm just trying to write down as many things about Sunny that I can. She was so close to our family, I knew who all of her relatives were and where they lived. I just remembered an arguement her and I would have. Her grandma Larson lived in Florida and Sunny had been down there to visit and saw the Pacific Ocean. I hadn't been anywhere further than Superior, Wisconsin at that time. So her and I had a debate, which was larger, the Pacific Ocean, or Lake Superior. I was certain that Lake Superior was the biggest body of water. At least it looked pretty darn big to me. But Sunny was positive it was the Pacific Ocean, silly girl, what did she know, haha. Her cousins were like my own, they'd come for visits and I'd play along with them, it didn't matter how old or young they were, as long as they were kids willing to play, that was good enough for me.

She taught me about peanut butter and sugar sandwiches. Boy were those good! I loved eating over at their house, everyone sat down at the table together and the food was different than what we'd eat, but it was still good. We'd somehow ride our bikes to Mr. Z's and get slushies. I can't remember the trip there, but I'd get in trouble sometimes if I didn't let anyone know that's where we were going. It was kind of far for kids to be traveling. Oh, and the Milk House that we could ride to through the corn field, or walk to, but it was a little ways. We'd go and buy candy and twinkies.



Then they put a brand new park at the end of the block. We'd swing on the swings and jump off to see who could jump the furthest. Joanne, who went to church with us had two little boys, Nathan and Allen that we would sometimes play with, but I can't recall if they were still there when the park went in. One family that was in that house when the park was up was the Haatajas. Sunny and I loved their daughter Andrea. I remember when Andrea was born and Sunny and I were just the right age to babysit.

That was all written before Sunny passed. She left this world at 12:38pm Friday February 6th. I will continue to post stories of us growing up as time goes by.

I'm not sure if I've posted this story, but I want to post it to her Caring Bridge site as well. Jumping ahead to when we were in High School. We liked going to movies together and one movie in particular that I can remember seeing with her like it was yesterday was Dumb and Dumber. We both laughed so hard we were crying and gripping our stomachs because we were so out of control. I'd look over at her and she'd have tears rolling. Even better, when we saw the movie the second time it was even funnier because we had been laughing so hard the first time that we missed half of the funny parts in the movie because se didn't hear them over our laughter. Could I say laugh one more time, LAUGH!



Another thing I remember about Sunny when we were teenagers was that we'd go for really really long walks. I haven't since had anyone who would go on walks as long as she would. I don't even remember what we'd talk about, but we'd talk the entire time, as if we weren't going to see eachother the next day, which we of course did, then walked and talked some more. I think some of it was about boys, obviously. Neither Sunny or I had much luck in the boyfriend department. We both liked boys, but if they liked us they sure the heck didn't ask us out. Dummies. Sunny finally met the man she married in California last year (2008). I wish she could've experienced love longer. I wish she could've experienced children and grand children and maybe even great-grand children. I miss her.

Another thing we did ALL the time during the winter was to go sledding. Sunny, Lani, Bill, EJ, Steven, Brian and I would all get our gear on, bundled up to the brim, grab our sleds and start off down the street. It would probably take us about 5-10 minutes to get to the first hill. These hills were hidden behind a development in our neighborhood. You approach the first one from the street, it was a pretty good one. Then when we'd get tired we'd start walking further into the woods, it felt like miles, but was probably only a couple blocks. We'd come out behind the old STMA High School, but you couldn't see the school because we were in what we called "the bowl". There were "millions" of hills because we were in what felt like a big pit. Swear to God, there were at least a dozen really good hills in that "bowl". It was SO much fun. But do you think that ever tired us kids out? Heck no. We went up and down those hills so many times you think our legs would've just fallen off right there. Sunny would get the bright red nose and cheeks, maybe some frost-bit toes along with it, but she didn't care. She also had long long blonde hair that would get wet from the snow then freeze in chunks. I'm sure her mom had a ball combing through that when we got home.



That same area in the woods didn't go unused by us kids. I remember when Sunny first told me there's a rope swing. It was on that same first hill we'd play on right off of the street. You would grab onto the rope and then swing right off of the hill. I don't know how we didn't break our necks. When we weren't swinging on the rope swing we would go deep into the woods and find lady bugs and flowers. We loved finding bugs, especially monarch caterpillars. Sunny taught me about cocoons. We'd catch the caterpillars in a preserving jar, poke holes in the top and put a stick and leaves inside. Then sure enough those caterpillars would turn into cocoons. Some of them even turned into butterflies! We loved chasing butterflies. Sunny lived across from a small field that didn't get mowed, and behind the field was a corn field. So we had a hay day every day exploring.

Like most kids we liked using our blankets to build forts in her parents living room. I remember one blanket we used all the time, it was silky and worn in, very slippery, we could ride it down the stairs, haha. We'd also play with her parents clothes baskets. Sunny's cat Smokey and Yatzee loved us I'm sure. We'd treat them like babies and put them in the clothes baskets that were lined with the blankets we had used for our forts.

You know, funny thing, these aren't the kind of "stories" people generally tell when they're talking about something they remember about someone. Usually there's a story line and it all leads up to something dramatic or funny in the end. I don't remember too many of those kinds of stories of Sunny. What I'm writing above (and eventually below) are probably considered memories rather than stories. I don't have any "particular" stories of Sunny because we practically lived together, things happened all the time, she was there all the time. If I think back to something, I can ask myself, was Sunny there? And the answer almost certainly was "why wouldn't she have been?". I don't feel like I can say it enough. We were always together, I've never had a friend closer to me than she and her sister Lani were.



I was just thinking the other day. Sunny was my first and closest friend from 3 years old through High School. Then I went to college and met Dawn. Strange coincidence? And I married "Setts". Too weird. But Dawn did become my "new" Sunny. Sunny and I lost touch through college, but we'd see each other if we happened to be home the same time on vacations. Then we graduated, she stayed in California and I got married and started having kids in Minnesota. Thank God for Facebook, that at least reconnected us so I could contact her and feel like I was in better touch than if we never had it. I cherish the posts she put on any of my pictures, or the messages we'd send. There may not have been many, but we didn't have to write all the time to know what a special bond we had.

Poem for Sunny

There was never a time in my life I didn’t know you
Now you are gone and don’t know what to do

I remembered all of our days when we were both kids
Playing non-stop was all that we did
Learning everything together, to dance and to twirl
Growing up without a care in the world

You were very well known for your long glowing locks
That would get tangled in swing chains at the park down the block
You had a smile that brightened a room with no light
When we argued about things you were usually right

The sound of music brightened your day
If it was a song someone loved you knew right away
We would go and see movies and laugh till we cried
Then go through our neighborhoods and walk side by side

We’d talk and we’d talk, about what I don’t know
All I cared was you listened and helped me to grow
Into the woman I now am and you’re no longer here
But as long as I remember you you’ll always be near